What Else Is New?
by Red Witch
Summary: Cartoons, brownies and a salad. How could that cause any trouble? Both the X-Men and the Brotherhood find out the hard way!


**The disclaimer saying that I don't own any X-Men Evolution characters is just wandering around somewhere. Here are some rambling thoughts on the new X-Men Cartoon with mild spoilers. A few other insane ideas I had too that all seem to come together. In other words the same old insanity in my mind. **

**What Else Is New?**

"I tell ya, the only thing better than watching old cartoons on TV is watching new cartoons online," Todd snickered as he watched along with Pyro, Pietro and Fred.

"What's going on?" Lance asked as he walked into the room.

"Someone put an episode of that new cartoon online," Pyro said. "You know the one where Wolverine is the star?"

"Oh yeah I saw that the other day," Lance nodded.

"I still can't believe Xavier let them do it," Todd shook his head.

"I can," Lance grunted. "So what do you think?"

"Not bad," Pyro smirked. "It's pretty good."

"Of course you'd think it's good," Pietro frowned. "You're the only one of us in the first episode!"

"Yeah and I burn things real good," Pyro pointed to the screen. "See me torch those mutant hating helicopters as I make my escape!"

"Big surprise Boom Boom's in jail with you," Pietro smirked. "But those other mutants…Dust? That Lizard guy? Anyone know who these people are?"

"Not a clue," Fred shrugged.

"There is one part I liked," Lance smiled. "That opening scene where Jean is chewing out Scott Summers over something he did to Wolverine. She blows a kiss to Wolverine right in front of Scott! I love it!"

"That is pretty funny," Todd snickered. "I wonder if Shades saw it yet."

**"AND YOU WERE COMPLAINING ABOUT ME AND EMMA FROST!"** Scott's scream could be heard across town. **"WHAT IS THAT ALL ABOUT?"**

"He's seen it," Todd said.

"Hey you wanna go over and watch him melt down?" Pietro asked.

"Sure I got nothin' better to do," Todd smiled. Pietro grabbed Todd and zoomed off.

"Of course we gotta miss the good parts," Lance groaned. "Come on, let's go! Maybe we can catch the end?"

It didn't take long for the boys to drive into the Institute and walk through the door. "I love it when Wolverine's out of town," Lance smiled. "It's easier to get in here."

"Don't call me a hypocrite!" Jean shouted.

"Well that is what you are!" Scott snapped.

"It's coming from the kitchen," Fred said. "Ooh goody! Snacks!"

"Dinner and a show," Pyro said.

They walked in and saw Jean and Scott yelling at each other. Todd and Pietro were with Kitty and Kurt watching them. "It's just a freaking cartoon Scott!" Jean shouted.

"That was my point earlier, but that didn't stop you from throwing me out of my own home!" Scott shouted back.

"You ran away!" Jean shouted.

"People tend to do that when other people throw sharp heavy objects at them!" Scott shouted.

"Okay what did we miss?" Lance asked.

"Not much, they've been going back and forth like this since we got here," Pietro remarked.

"Oh great! More idiots!" Scott threw up his hands when he saw the Brotherhood. "I hate it when Wolverine's gone! Security just goes out the door!"

"That's because you left it unlocked," Fred helped himself to some chips.

"Where is Wolverine anyway?" Todd asked.

"He took most of the students out for a camping trip with Storm for the weekend," Kitty explained. "And Rogue's out shopping."

"So I take it you all saw the cartoon too?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah but you can't blame Summers for getting mad yo," Todd said. "I mean if my girl was blowing kisses at another guy I would be steamed!"

"If you had a girl," Kurt quipped. "But I do see your point."

"THAT WAS NOT ME!" Jean shouted. "I mean that was me but not the **real** me! I'd never flirt with another guy in front of my boyfriend! I wouldn't be so obvious!"

"Ha!" Lance rolled his eyes.

"You are **not** helping!" Jean snapped.

"Hey the only thing we want to help is ourselves to the chow," Todd held up his hands. "You two can fight much better without our help!"

Todd grabbed another bag of potato chips with his tongue. Scott made a face. Todd took the bag and held it out for him. "Potato chip?"

"I'm going to go change the security code before **something else** wanders in here!" Scott stormed off.

"You know Sheila, I hate to say this but you have to admit Cyclops does have a point," Pyro remarked. "You were mad at him being with that fake relationship with Emma De-Frost the Boobies and here you are…"

"Pyro shut up and eat something!" Jean said. "I think I prefer it when your mouths are full and can't talk!"

"Have something healthy for once! Like this salad," Kitty took a salad out of the refrigerator and gave it to the boys.

"Hold it! Kitty where exactly did you get this salad?" Fred did a double take as he saw it.

"I made it. I got the produce at that organic grocery store at the edge of town," Kitty said. "They got some real nice fresh stuff."

"Is that the one on Route Five?" Pyro realized as he saw the salad. "The one with the scarecrow dressed like Michael Jackson outside?"

"Yeah," Kitty nodded. "The one that's always really crowded in the afternoon. I guess everybody really likes eating healthy. I always knew being a vegetarian and going organic wasn't a fad."

"Kitty this type of organics has been around since the Sixties," Todd rolled his eyes.

"Longer," Fred said. "Just ask my Aunt Moonbeam."

"Did you get these brownies there too?" Lance pointed to a plate on the table.

"Yeah, why?" Kitty asked.

Kurt was about to try a brownie when Lance slapped it from his hand. "Hey! I was gonna eat that!" Kurt snapped.

"Trust me! You **don't!"** Lance said.

"Why not?" Kurt asked.

"They kind of have an extra ingredient in 'em that ain't approved by the FDA," Todd snickered.

"Kitty how long have you guys been eating this type of salad and brownies?" Lance asked.

"We haven't," Jean said. "This is the first time."

"Not really. A couple weeks ago I made a salad for the Professor and Hank and got them some brownies as a treat," Kitty said. "Then I thought…"

"Okay that explains a few things," Lance rolled his eyes. "I thought those two have been acting kind of loopy lately."

"That's why the Professor is all 'give peace a chance' and the Beast is a little hyper," Pietro snickered.

"What are you talking about?" Jean asked.

"Jean that particular organic grocery store isn't popular because of the low prices or insect free food," Lance explained.

"Low prices? Are you kidding me? It cost me over fifty bucks for the salad alone!" Kitty said.

"And **that** wasn't enough to tip you off?" Lance asked.

"Tip her off to **what?**" Scott asked as he walked back in. Fred showed him the salad. "So it's a salad? So…Wait a minute. Is that what I **think **it is?"

"It ain't oregano that's for sure," Fred said.

"What? What are you saying?" Kitty asked.

"I'm saying this salad could get you five to ten in federal prison," Fred told her.

"You could go to jail for Romaine Lettuce?" Kurt asked.

"There's something else **besides** lettuce in there," Lance pointed. "That! It's not exactly part of a daily recommended diet."

"What? You mean **that's**…?" Kitty's eyes widened.

"Uh huh," Fred nodded.

"You mean she actually **bought**…?" Kurt gasped.

"Uh huh," Todd nodded.

"And she put it in…?" Jean realized.

"Oh yeah," Kurt groaned.

"You let her make **salad?**" Lance asked.

"We thought how could you screw up a salad?" Jean said.

"Now you know how," Pietro said. "And uh, I wouldn't let Kitty buy any pastries while you're at it."

"How was I supposed to know that place sold…that stuff? One of the kids from school works there! His folks own the place! Jeremy Makle," Kitty said.

"Yeah, the local pot dealer at school," Lance said. "Again, **that** wasn't a tip off?"

"Jeremy is a pot dealer?" Kitty's jaw dropped.

"Yeah why do you think he's so popular with the football team even though he can't play any sports?" Todd asked.

"You **knew** about this?" Kitty asked.

"Yeah it was kind of obvious, but then again you guys never exactly noticed a lot," Lance rolled his eyes.

"Uh Kitty even I knew about Jeremy," Jean said.

"But you didn't know about the date he set Duncan up with while you two were dating," Pietro mocked.

**"What?"** Jean said. "When?"

"Over that winter break before you two broke up," Pietro said. "Let's just say Jeremy has a pair of enterprising older twin sisters."

"Are you _serious?_" Jean shouted.

"You mean he didn't make that up?" Scott blinked. "That really happened?"

"YOU **KNEW?**" Jean shouted. "YOU ALL KNEW?"

"Everyone who read the boy's bathroom walls on the second floor knew," Pietro smirked.

"Again, we thought it was all made up," Kurt said. "Nobody believed it. How do **you** know for sure?"

"We saw the video on the website," Todd said.

"What's the website?" Kurt asked.

"Kurt!" Kitty snapped.

"Oh is the **dealer** making judgments'?" Lance barked.

"She's not a dealer Lance," Pyro said. "Technically she's just a supplier. She didn't sell it. Just bought it."

"I don't believe this…" Kitty moaned.

"Did you ever…?" Kurt asked Todd. "You know…Try that?"

"Elf you're talking to a guy who eats bugs, the occasional cooked road kill and gum from the underside of tables," Todd said. "And even **I** wouldn't put that garbage in my body!"

"Me neither," Pietro said. "I'd like to get my kicks sober thank you very much!"

"Neither did I," Fred agreed. "Although my Granny and Uncle Bob did know how to grow it."

"I tried it once," Lance admitted.

"There's a shock," Kurt said.

"Hey it was for my headaches and I didn't have my powers yet," Lance said. "They were really bad and aspirin wasn't cutting it. So I tried it, I threw up and never did it again."

"Didn't work huh?" Pyro asked.

"Not only did I still have a headache, it made my stomach feel like the tilt a whirl," Lance said.

"I never had that reaction," Pyro said.

"You've done drugs?" Scott asked.

"Have you met Pyro? He should do **more,"** Lance said. "The legal prescribed kind!"

"My parents made me stop because it was cutting into their profits!" Pyro said.

"Pyro's folks were drug dealers who did drugs," Todd explained.

"That explains a lot," Kitty said. "I mean none of us ever did any drugs! I mean not like that!"

"Uh," Scott looked guilty. "Actually…"

"Scott? No way!" Kitty's jaw dropped.

"I don't believe it! Mister Perfect has a dark side," Pietro snickered.

"When?" Jean was stunned.

"Back in the orphanage," Scott said. "Before I got my powers. I tried it once because I wanted to get rid of my headaches."

"And?" Kitty asked.

"And I threw up and passed out for a day," Scott said. "Same as Alvers."

"I didn't pass out," Lance said.

"You didn't after smoking that stuff?" Scott asked.

"I didn't smoke it. I had mine in a brownie," Lance said. "No wait, I did smoke it once then had it in a brownie. Still didn't work so I went back to cigarettes."

"You smoke **cigarettes?**" Kitty gasped.

"Used to," Lance told her, "Off and on. Mystique made me give them up when I moved into the Brotherhood. Ironically though she also put me in charge of buying her stash every other month from Jeremy."

"My mother does drugs too," Kurt groaned. "That also explains a few things."

"I never really saw her smoke. I think she mostly sold them," Todd said.

"Oh that makes me feel so much better," Kurt rolled his eyes.

"Look I'm not saying what I did was right," Scott said. "I was young and desperate. And the doctor said there was a possibility it might help so…"

"Hold on! A doctor gave you **pot?**" Todd interrupted.

"What doctor gave you pot?" Kurt asked.

"And where can we reach him for second opinions?" Pyro asked.

"There was this doctor that worked at the orphanage," Scott said. "He was always nice to me and was always looking for new treatments to help my headaches. He said it was medicinal and so…"

"An adult tells him to do something completely stupid and he falls for it," Fred looked at his friends. "Anybody else see a pattern here?"

"Look it was a long time ago and I've never done it since then," Scott said. "Okay? Can we all get over it?"

"Sure," Todd quipped. "But if you ever run for President, don't say you never inhaled."

"Okay we all agree drugs are bad things and to never do them," Pietro said. "Is the after school special over? Because if it is, technically we kind of have a situation here. As much as I would enjoy the cops shutting this place down over drugs, I think it's been done before. Too Lifetime movie for me."

"He's right," Jean said. "We have to get rid of it."

"So what do we do?" Kitty asked.

"It's no big deal," Lance said. "We'll take it out back, destroy it with Cyke's optic blasts and bury whatever's left in the backyard. No harm, no foul."

"And Kitty never goes to that organic market again," Pietro said. "Or any other market for that matter."

"Why my optic blasts?" Scott asked.

"Because if I burned it there would be smoke and it would get on our clothes and we'd have one ticked off Wolverine when he got back," Pyro said. "Even I know that."

"Good plan," Scott said as he took the salad and brownies. "Kitty is this all of it?"

"Uh actually…" Kitty gulped.

"Hello everyone," Xavier wheeled in with a strangely glazed look in his eyes. "Isn't wonderful how we're all getting along?"

"You gave some to Xavier didn't you?" Lance groaned.

"And uh…" Kitty began.

"Whoa…Whoa! I just had a cosmic thought!" Hank ran in. His eyes were glazed too. "You are not going to believe this! But I saw us on the computer! We were in cartoon form and fighting sentinels and stuff! It's like a window to a parallel universe man!"

"Amazing…" Scott groaned. "Kitty!"

"I think I'll go hide in my room for a while," Kitty tried to sneak off.

"Not so fast!" Pietro blocked her way. "I think the best punishment for you is to keep an eye on the Doobie Brothers here."

"For once I'm with Quicksilver," Scott said. "That is a good idea!"

"See? Isn't it wonderful on how our two teams are getting along! And soon the whole world will get along in harmony!" Xavier said in a happy voice. "I have an idea! We should all have a picnic! Call up Magneto and Mystique and get our two teams together and have a barbecue picnic! We can have Wolverine and Sabertooth sing campfire songs! Won't that be fun?"

"I'm certainly getting a few good mental images that make me laugh," Todd snickered.

"I tell you, you are all the best group of X-Men I have ever had," Xavier smiled.

"That's good to know," Pyro remarked. "Boy when a guy like that goes Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs he really goes Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs!"

"Kitty you are so banned from preparing any food around here for life!" Jean snapped.

"You keep saying that but she always manages to do it anyway," Scott said.

"Yes but this time I am going to court to get a restraining order," Jean sighed.

"Oh man do we have any chips left?" Hank took them from Fred and started to munch on them. "Hmmmm! Barbecue chips!"

"Ooh! I want some!" Xavier said and Fred quickly got him some other chips. "This is chip-tastic! I invented a new word!"

"How about that?" Fred smiled. He whispered to Kitty. "Rule number one! Never take away some high guys munchies!"

"Jean don't worry! I am in complete control!" Xavier said cheerfully. "I'm not going to use my powers to cloud people's minds…Clouds…Oooh! That gives me an idea!"

"Professor! What are you…?" Jean began. Suddenly the kitchen changed and they were inside a huge pink and white castle made of clouds. "Doing?"

"I am going to use my powers to make a world a happy fantastic rainbow colored wonderland!" Xavier giggled.

"Oh goody," Kurt remarked as he saw the changes around him. "Just what we need, a unicorn in the kitchen."

"So Xavier can do illusions now?" Todd asked.

"Apparently," Fred remarked as a bluebird landed on his head.

"Well this was certainly worth a trip that's for sure," Pietro snickered. "Love the rainbow curtains made out of real rainbows."

"They're just illusions the Professor made," Jean said.

"I wish **that** was!" Lance pointed. "Mr. McCoy! Put your clothes back on!"

"Free! I'm free!" Hank ran out the door shedding the last of his uniform.

"Oh gross!" Kitty covered her face with her hands so she wouldn't see.

"Nightcrawler! Blob! Get Beast!" Lance ordered. "Jean you and Kitty try and calm the Professor down! Summers…"

"I know, I know! Blow this stuff up to kingdom come!" Scott took the brownies and dumped them in the salad bowl.

Suddenly a blue blur ran by him and grabbed the bowl. "Yoink!" Hank cackled as he ran outside. "BORN FREEEEEEEEE!"

"Get him!" Scott shouted.

"Watch out for the unicorn!" Kurt warned.

"NEIGH!"

It was just at that moment Rogue drove back up the driveway using one of the cars. She stopped and stared at the Institute. Or what was supposed to be the Institute.

"What the…?" She blinked. In front of her was a giant castle made of clouds and covered with sparkling rainbows. Doves flew all over the place and a few unicorns were prancing on the lawn.

She got out of the car and looked around. Just then Hank ran out, naked and carrying a salad bowl munching brownies. "Yummy!"

"Give us those brownies and nobody gets hurt!" Pietro zoomed out and tried to grab the bowl but ended up in tug of war. It wasn't easy because Pietro kept his eyes shut.

"Professor keep those unicorns away from me!" Jean shouted.

"We have to blow up that salad before it destroys us all!" Scott ran out with the others and they were all chasing Hank and being chased by unicorns and a laughing Xavier all over the lawn.

"I swear," Rogue moaned. "Me and everyone else who lives at the Institute should be on medication. Or stop watching too many cartoons."


End file.
